This is one of those posts that I desperately wanted to write but know that my husband doesn’t appreciate the total transparency of blogging. To put it mildly, 2016 was a whirlwind of drama that I was glad to see come to an end. There will be people who are shocked, offended, and not very understanding of the decisions made but here are the details.
When I first started this crazy dream back in 2007, it was to offset the costs of boarding the horses and not having my own home. My parents moved into the farmhouse and I (STUPIDLY) believed that Kurt and I would be able to build our own home on the other side of the property. Things went alright in the first few years financially but looking back now, I was setting myself up for a disaster. I was the cash cow – paying for things around the farm and shamelessly trying to win my parents affection with things. Kurt and I bought two tractors and they weren’t enough because they didn’t have a bucket and they weren’t show tractors and they weren’t new.
Fast forward to 2013/2014, Kurt and I renovated the basement of the farmhouse to move into while planning our dream house on the other side of the property. Baby boy came along in 2015 and we still were living in the basement. Things were getting tense between Kurt and I. I wanted him to be patient, we wanted more space, and I was living a big, fat financial lie. The rent that was due to me wasn’t being paid. It was coming in the middle of the month or in half payments in the middle and the end of the month. And then it wasn’t coming at all. I was using credit cards and racking up debt to the point of being scared of going for a car loan and Kurt finding out the truth. Well, that happened and it was a slap in the face. How in the hell were we going to be able to pay off our debt and build our dream house?
This felt like one big f’ed up scenario that pitted my husband and my parents against each other with me in the middle. My stress levels were through the roof. Kurt and I began to have a serious conversation about building and we finally came to the conclusion (more me than him because he was just waiting for me to get the hint) that we need to sell the farm in order to save ourselves. What a relief. A weight of dread was lifted and I was feeling like a clear plan of action was THERE. Mind you, this is not a “giving up the horse” thing because that was a non-negotiable in our conversations. Now comes the part where the horse shit hits the fan – we sat down to tell my parents.
I told Kurt that I was prepared and knew that this was the end of my relationship with my parents. He was troubled by this and told me repeatedly that if they truly loved me and were my parents that they would be supportive and understand. I knew this wouldn’t be the case – it’s something I have grown up with my entire life. Ironically, my father had texted before this conversation to say that he knew something was going on and that if we wanted more space, they would be willing to move to the farmhouse down the road when it opened up in January. This gave me some hope that they would be willing to hear our plans.
I was wrong. So, so wrong. My father acted as if I had tricked them into selling their home (that they both hated) to move and slave away for me. Then he walked away. My mother tried to convince me that they would pay twice the current rent and I would have no problem affording a double mortgage. Please refer back to the paragraph where I noted the lack of a rent payment – they already had missed 2 payments completely by October. I received no money after October. Kurt and I agreed that I would be the one to handle any conversation with them – I stuck to my guns after letters, texts, and threats. Things only worsened from there.
One sister wanted to butt her nose into our business and proclaimed that she had a say in selling the farm because she has a horse on the property. I kindly reminded her that she has no say and no horse on the property because she hasn’t paid jack squat for him.
My parents got into a fight with Kurt IN FRONT OF OUR REALTOR – seriously, Springer style.
They lived here for 3 more months without paying a dime towards rent.
But there is one more piece to this that needs to be mentioned. I found out that a credit card had been used without my permission by my parents. When I used the card for the first and only time to purchase a lawn tractor for the farm (which was used, abused, and still isn’t paid for) back in 2007, it was done with the understanding that they would pay the bill. They would take the bill from the mailbox and pay – I would check my credit reports and see that they bill was being paid on time and without additional charges. Until May 2015. I requested the bills from the company and they came in a box. A freaking box. My bill is now over my $4000 credit limit. Things were purchased that they turned around and made a profit from including DIY projects for other family members. Tools were purchased, household items, THINGS I NEVER WANTED NOR ASKED FOR. I’m angry and have given a simple ultimatum that the bill be paid ASAP or I take legal action.
But wait, there’s more.
Not once, since this has happened, have my parents asked about their grandson.
They make any excuse to drive past the farm like stalkers.
I’m graciously making the hardest decision of my life and giving up Big Mike and Copper to them.
So let’s move onto the awesome news. Kurt and I are super close to moving upstairs and putting the farm on the market officially.